Question: There appears to be a need for the Church to take a firm stand on a couple of related questions. When couples live together as man and wife without having taken marriage vows, does God consider them married? Should we tell young people that after they have lived together after this fashion for a time, they are now free to walk out and enter into marriage vows with another because there had been no vows taken in the first instance? If a couple lives together without marriage for any time, long or short, and introduce each other as “my wife” or “my husband,” are they then married in God’s sight? What if one of the people living in this condition and introducing someone as “my husband” or “my wife,” has been married and divorced, is the other party then free to marry after having lived for a time with a partner as husband and wife without marriage.
Answer: In the first place, I would advise this inquirer that the Church already has a strong stand against this abominable practice, and that stand is solid. I am certain that not one minister could be found among us that would approve it.
Also, let us recognize that the drift is always downward and the trend away from God and right. All righteous and clear thinking people will surely recognize that moral standards in the world are at this time very low and terrible. But they did not get this way all at once. There has been a gradual decline from one step to another over a period of many years until in these later years the decline has been sharper and more rapid. I would say that evil and moral corruption reached a kind of “sub saturation” point and the bottom fell out and the world took a plunge into low depths of evil and moral corruption. I do not say it would be proper to say it reached a saturation point. It did not. Because when it reaches that point and the cup of iniquity is filled up, then judgment will come. Things will get worse yet, much worse. So we can only say that the point reached which precipitated the sharp, steep decline into low depths of moral corruption was a “sub saturation” point.
This will give us some insight into this abominable practice we are now discussing. I can remember when I was a boy there were comparatively few separations in married couples. If a couple did separate, it was the common talk of the community. It was looked upon as something that ought not to be. If a couple got a divorce, they were just about black-listed. At that time moral standards in general were high, and the general populace demanded high standards and upright behavior out of everybody if they expected to be respected by the people. In those days people got married to stay married and had no thought of divorce. That arrangement produced a solid and wholesome society with marriage as a basis and the home as the corner stone. The female partner in the marriage accepted her proper place in the home as wife, mother and homemaker. The male partner accepted his responsibility as husband, father and provider for his family. Since divorce was a rather rare thing, the couple felt secure in each other’s love, and their children felt secure in their parents’ love and supervision. The parents dedicated themselves to the rearing, training and guidance of their children to make them grow up to be honorable and upright people as the major priority of their lives.
At the time of the First World War, women left their homes in large numbers to take work in the war plants and other places which had been vacated by men going off to war. This was an evil within itself and produced other evils along with it. It was a severe blow to the home and family life which was the corner stone of the society. Women worked among groups of strange men which led to improper familiarities and behavior. Also, it created an atmosphere of independence, and the woman no longer felt dependent upon her husband for support because she was earning her own income. This led to unrest, dissatisfaction and conflict in the home, and divorces became more common. Moral standards fell a considerable degree under this onslaught. The whole thing was entirely out of God’s order, and His blessing was not upon it. The devil and forces of evil won a great victory.
At the time of the Second World War moral standards plummeted again to a new low and for the same reasons. Since that time the decline has continued sharply and rapidly, and the home and family life has lost its place at the head of the list of priorities, and divorce is almost as common as marriage. Oh, how different this is to what it was in the time of my boyhood and youth. It is all grossly immoral and contrary to God’s law. This prevalence of divorce destroys the sanctity of marriage, which is THE basis of a good home and family life, which is the corner stone of any solid, upright, and honorable society.
Because the sanctity of marriage has been largely destroyed by this condition, the way has been opened for this that we are discussing here “shacking up” or living together without marriage which is the most abominable of all up to now, and if carried to its ultimate would be a fatal blow to the basis of our institutions. Even the upright and honorable people of the world frown darkly on this practice. I say without fear of successful contradiction that this thing is Communistic in principle and spirit, and it is aimed at undermining and destroying the home life and family ties. It is another BIG step of man’s departure from God and charting his own course according to his corrupt and depraved nature. It is another step toward an atheistic and godless society. It is tantamount to man shaking his fist in God’s face and telling Him, “I don’t like your way, it is too restrictive; I am taking my own way from here on.”
God ordained marriage for the good, happiness, and welfare of mankind. He Himself performed the first marriage and pronounced His blessings upon that first pair Adam and Eve. Right and proper marriage has always had God’s sanction and blessings upon it, and Jesus gave considerable dignity to it by using it to represent the relationship between Himself and His church. Read Ephesians 5:21-32, Romans 7:4, Revelation 19:7-8, Revelation 21:9-10, II Corinthians 11:1-2 and more.
But the God who gave us the grand institution of Christian marriage and established the society of mankind upon it as a foundation, has also placed certain restrictions and bounds on it. In the first place, it is for the duration of life for the contracting parties. The death of one of the parties is the only thing that can dissolve it. Romans 7:2-3 says: “For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.” Again in I Corinthians 7:39, we read: “The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.” These two texts make it perfectly clear that a couple is bound by their marriage vows as long as both of them live. Jesus said in His teaching in Luke 16:18, “Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.” So we see that God is very specific and positive in His instructions and rules governing marriage.
Also, He has set forth in His Word very specific rules and instructions regarding the lives and duties and responsibilities of a married couple. To the wives He said, “That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” (Titus 2:4-5.) In Ephesians 5:22-33 we read again, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord…. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;… So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church;… For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh…. Let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” Also, read I Peter 3:1-7, which is a very pertinent Scripture in this connection, but which I will not take the space to insert here. There are others along this same line. Oh, the dignity, honor and virtue God has attached to Christian marriage!
In order to avoid the scriptural restrictions of a proper marriage and to escape from the binding obligations and duties associated with marriage vows, many today are following this practice of living together without marriage. This is an arrangement whereby a couple may enjoy all the benefits and conveniences of marriage without being married. It is a kind of walk-in and back-out deal. The parties are free to dissolve their relationship and enter into a similar arrangement with someone else at will. And that is just what many are doing. It is a rebellious spirit, rebelling against restrictions and directions. It is producing a wicked and adulterous generation, an unstable and irresponsible society, and a society with little regard for law and order in any area of life and behavior.
As to the question of whether a couple would be considered married in God’s eyes if they have lived together for two or three years and introduced each other as “my wife” or “my husband” of course, not. And if they lived together for 50 years without marriage they would still not be married in God’s sight. It would be an adulterous relationship all the way through, and sooner or later the judgments of God will fall upon this thing and all who participate in it.
As to the question of whether we should teach our young people that if they have lived this way they can walk away from it any time they choose and be free to marry some good person, no, I do not feel that we should teach such a doctrine. We should try earnestly to get our young people to see the evil of this, and avoid it by all means, and if perchance some are already in it, try to persuade them to forsake that way of life and break off that relationship and to come clear of it. I suppose I could not say that such a person could not possibly be eligible for marriage. The condition in which they have lived could not be classed as a marriage because the basic elements of a Christian and Scriptural marriage are lacking. There have been no pledges given and no vows taken. Therefore, there is no breaking of a pledge nor violating of binding vows when the relationship is broken off. There is no betrayal of confidence because such arrangements are not entered into with confidence and assurance. However, I would say that such a person has already manifested a spirit of rebellion against the “establishment” and against God and His plan and arrangement for men and women, and has declared by his actions that no one is going to prescribe any pattern of life for him, but he is going to do his own thing and live by his own rules regardless of established customs and the feelings of other people. Furthermore, he has manifested a principle and has identified himself with a segment of society which is unstable, undependable and irresponsible. Therefore, I would consider such a person poor marriage material and a poor risk unless he had obtained a good, solid experience of salvation saved and sanctified and has been manifesting the fruits of the Spirit over a suitable span of time.
