Question: Are men supposed to be lords over women as we think of it today? Would you please explain the Bible version of a man and wife role in the home?
Answer: No, I do not think that men should be lords over women or that any person whatever his position is, should be lord over any other person. I do not feel that God has given to any person the right to dominate the life of any other person. He does not even allow a God-called, God-ordained pastor over a congregation to be lord over that congregation. (I Peter 5:3.) God did not permit Christian masters to be lords over their servants. (Colossians 4:1 and Ephesians 6:9.) Neither is a man authorized by God to lord over or dominate the life of his wife.
Let us make no mistake at this point. When two people enter into marriage, both are cast into a new role different from any role they have ever been in before and their respective roles are clearly defined and outlined in the Scriptures. Up to this time they have been just a man and woman like all other men and women. But now that man is no longer just a man but he is a husband with certain fixed and clearly defined duties and responsibilities toward that certain woman he has taken to be his wife. That women is no longer just a woman but she is now a wife with clearly defined duties and responsibilities toward the man she has chosen to be her husband.
The Bible does not require you to marry. It just requires certain things of you if you do. If you do not want to come under these regulations you are perfectly free to stay out of marriage and that is what you should do. But the question has to do with those who have already entered into marriage and what the role of each partner is in that relationship. Once you enter into marriage you are no longer free to determine what you will or will not do. The terms are not optional but are clearly defined and outlined in the Scriptures.
In I Timothy 5:14 we read, “I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.”
The first thing mentioned here as a duty of a married woman (wife) is to bear children. If a women does not want children and the responsibility of taking care of them, teaching, and training them, etc. she had better stay out of marriage because that is the natural fruit of marriage. The next thing mentioned is that she is to guide the house. Upon her is placed the responsibility by God to teach, train, and guide the lives of the children which God gives her and to manage her house and family well so that there will be no occasion for the adversary to speak reproachfully.
Titus 2:4-5 says, “That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” Here the wife is commanded to love her husband. She must do this and in so doing support, comfort, console, encourage and stand back of him in his life’s work, his burdens and all of his doings. She is also commanded to love her children and in so doing she will properly care for them, guide, teach, and train them. She is also commanded to be a keeper at home and to be obedient to her own husband. The wife is to be the homemaker and to keep and maintain her house in a proper and attractive manner. If a woman does not maintain her home and herself in a proper manner and keep her house in order, her marriage is going to suffer and not be what God ordained it to be.
This text enjoins upon a wife to be obedient to her husband. If a woman does not want to be subject to her husband and have a man telling her what to do, she should leave marriage alone. The Bible is quite explicit on this point in numbers of texts. If a woman does not want to spend her time in her own home taking care of her house, she should not marry because the Bible is explicit on this point also. This is the course God set for women in the marriage relation and she cannot expect God’s blessings upon her life, home, and marriage if she comes short of her obligations on these lines.
I said in the beginning of this discussion that I did not believe that a man (husband) should lord over a woman (his wife). I say the same again. Let us not be mistaken or overlook the fact that God’s Word requires a wife to be in subjection and obedient to her husband. Ephesians 5:22-24 says, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the Saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let wives be to their own husbands in every thing.” Colossians 3:18 says, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.” I Peter 3:1 says, “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands;…” It is unmistakably clear that a wife is to be in subjection to her own husband and obey him. There is a big difference between a wife being in subjection to her husband and being lorded over by him. This is God’s Word. He wrote the Bible and set up this arrangement and we will just have to fall in line with it, if we want God’s blessings on our marriage and in our lives.
A woman said to me awhile back that she did not think the women should be slaves, and that is exactly right. I agree with that statement one hundred percent and so do the holy Scriptures. The teachings in the Scriptures on this subject do not mean that, and do not give a man the right to reduce his wife to the position of a virtual slave by taking away her inherent rights as an individual and ruling over her with rigor. That word rigor is defined as “Severity or strictness in conduct, temperament or judgment: stiffness and rigidity.” Rigid is defined as “Not bending, stiff, inflexible, rigorous, harsh, severe.” It is hard to think of any man being this way with the wife of his bosom. Yet some are and even plead the Scriptures in support of their conduct.
I have news for you. The Scriptures do not support you in this kind of behavior toward your wife but rather condemn you. Any man who stretches the Scripture to cover that ground will surely miss the mark and cannot expect God’s blessings on his marriage or in his life. Neither does he have a right to expect his wife to love, reverence, and respect him.
Have you ever heard the saying “Every man is a king and his home is his palace”? This may be true, but let us look at it a little. History, both sacred and profane shows us the records of many kings who have ruled over their kingdoms, some large and some small. Among them have been some who have ruled in righteousness, with justice and equity, and with consideration for the welfare of their subjects. These have been much loved and revered by their subjects and greatly mourned at their death. This is the way Christ rules over His wife, the Church, and this is the way the Scriptures teach a man to rule over his wife. In I Peter 5:7 we read, “Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.” This is a great and glorious truth picturing Christ as caring tenderly for His wife, the Church, in all of her cares and burdens. This is the way and attitude in which Christ rules over the Church and is the way and attitude in which men are to rule over their wives.
In Ephesians 5:23 we read, “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.” Saviour is defined as “A person who rescues someone from dire circumstances.” This is applied principally to Christ; but in this text it is also applied to the husband with his wife. The way the husband is the saviour of his wife’s body is by nourishing, strengthening, comforting her, supporting and upholding her, bearing her burdens, shouldering the long end of the burdens and responsibilities of the home and family, and by always standing by her as a present help in any time of trouble. This is the way Christ is with His wife, the Church, and this is the attitude in which He rules over her. In Ephesians 5:22-23, an analogy is drawn between Christ and the Church and the husband and his wife and the teaching here is that the husband is to be with his wife in the same way Christ is with the Church, and is to rule over her in the same way and attitude in which Christ rules over the Church.
In Matthew 11:28-29, Christ is seen making the Church’s burden light because she is yoked up with Him and He bears the big end of the load. This is the way the husband is to be with his wife and the attitude in which he is to rule over her.
In Songs of Solomon 8:5 we read, “Who is this that cometh up from the wilderness, leaning upon her beloved?…” Here in this love affair between the shepherd and the Shulamite woman, we have represented in a figure, Christ and the Church, His wife. She is leaning on Him as her strength and support. A husband is the symbol of strength and security for his wife.
In I Peter 3:1-7 we see that the first six verses are teaching how the wife would be submissive and obedient to her husband and be in subjection to him and manifest a meek and quiet spirit toward him, etc. God’s ways are equal (Ezekiel 18:25) and His instructions are well balanced. In verse seven He turns to the husband and instructs him to dwell with his wife according to knowledge and to give honor to her as unto the weaker vessel, stating that they are heirs together of the grace of life. He closes this verse by saying, “That your prayers be not hindered.” I know and you know also that many homes are not godly nor what they should be. Many spiritual lives are blighted and the prayers of many are weak and ineffectual. People are unable to maintain victorious lives all because there is an improper relationship between the husband and wife.
All of the instructions in these verses give the husband the advantage over his wife, but in verse seven the husband is admonished to not take advantage of the natural advantage that he has over his wife. I may not interpret the thought in this verse regarding the wife being the weaker vessel according to your thinking. Even though the woman is more delicately constructed than a man and may be weaker physically in some respects than men; I do not consider this text as referring to that. I consider this text as applying to just exactly what is being discussed in these verses and since God placed her in subjection to her husband and commanded her to be obedient to him, that weakens her vantage point in dealing with him and gives her husband a natural advantage over her. Thus she is referred to as “the weaker vessel” because of her natural disadvantage in this respect; the husband is commanded to not take advantage of this, but to give honor to her. And if the husband will be with his wife as Christ is with the Church and rule over her in the same spirit and way that Christ rules over the Church, she will naturally honor and reverence him and delight in submitting to him.
Also let us not overlook the clause in I Peter 3:7, “And as being heirs together of the grace of life.” This makes it clear that in God’s sight the husband and his wife are equal heirs together of God’s blessings and of the grace of life. But for the convenience of home management and family life, God placed the wife in subjection to her husband. Therefore as he exercises his authority, let him realize he is exercising authority over an equal according to God’s will, and not over a person inferior to him. Take this woman out of the family relationship and she would be equal with the man who is now her husband and with anyone else and everyone else in the whole world in God’s sight. Galatians 3:28 says, “…there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.”
To sum up let us conclude in regard to the husband and wife role in the home that “Home Making” is the grandest of all occupations for women and a “Fine Art” that should be mastered by all Christian women. I saw a sign in a restaurant once which read “Keep your wife for a pet and eat here.” Sounds romantic indeed but the Bible does not teach that. To eat meals out is fine on occasion and should be. A dutiful wife and mother surely deserves a break occasionally. But in the overall picture, the Bible teaches that a husband is to provide a home and all the necessary things of life for his wife and children through his gainful efforts along whatever line he may be engaged. Then it teaches that the wife is to make that house a home.
Edgar A. Guest said, “It takes a heap of living in a house to make it home.” Someone else said, “What is home without a mother?” This is very true and it is the duty and privilege of a wife and mother to make the house a home, and the more attractive she can make it for her husband and children, the better it will be. The wife should seek to make the home and herself as attractive as possible for her husband make him always feel that he has a nice place to come and a nice person to come home to when the day’s work is done.
I do not know why or where some women get the idea that they owe their husbands nothing, but they are his responsibility and he is to take care of them. A wife owes her husband just as much as he owes her, but just in a different category and in a different way, and he is her responsibility the same as she is his. Marriage is a partnership and the wife is just as obligated to fulfill her responsibilities as her husband is to “bring home the bacon.” Neither a husband or a wife has any right to exact or expect more of the other than either he or she is willing to give in return in their respective roles. A wife has no right to require her husband to provide her with a living and support and maintain her, if she is not willing to properly maintain a nice home for him and take proper care of his children. Neither does a husband have a right to expect his wife to maintain his home and take care of his children if he is not willing to at least do his best to properly support her. The Bible does not teach any of us to expect something for nothing but rather the contrary.
II Thessalonians 3:10, I Timothy 5:8 & 14 combine to teach clearly that if either partner in a marriage does not creditably perform his or her part, it will bring discredit on the Christian profession and the gospel and give occasion to the enemy.
